What Is Erotic? What is Erotica?
Recently I was told that my erotica sucked. I laughed and simply replied, “Yes, it usually does involve some sort of oral.”
The truth is, this particular genre, more than any other I write in, is selective and objective to a fault. Everyone has different tastes or fetishes and no two souls are alike in what might arouse them. I can’t take that anonymous critic to heart; how could I? I know full well what turns me on, might not another, but it got me thinking, so here is my take on what I find erotic and what I write about as a consequence.
First and foremost, I can’t talk about erotica without mentioning the dynamic between a Dominant and Submissive. Yes, there is an umbrella tag for this, (BDSM), or Big D, small s, but honestly, here again we have such a varied group of particular turn-ons, it’s almost impossible to pin it down to just four letters and their definitions.
So for the sake of clarity, I’ll be talking about my tastes and what draws me to this kinky world of fun. I am a female and I am an incredibly hetero female. But that said, when any of these mentioned dynamics are at play, it doesn't matter the sexual orientation or gender, so please don’t get caught up in semantics. I happen to be hetero, but I've met some women who could easily win me over in the dominant category. I am not prejudiced in the slightest, I just like cock and masculine energy, and so that's what I write.
I like to say, “Please don’t purposely misunderstand me.”
I find a true dominant male incredibly attractive. Not one who’s learned all the words and is playing a role, but one who was born to rule. One who is an innate Alpha leader; add in the dynamic of him being a balanced Sadist, and viola, this little masochist is a happy camper. Please note, I said, “Balanced Sadist.” Yes, there is a massive difference between a Hannibal and the man I find arousing, but that said, I think Hannibal is a very erotic character and I’m highly drawn to him. There is a massive chasm between a sane sadist and one who’s flipped to the dark side permanently, and I might add, there are very few truly sane and balanced sadists out there.
I think of a true dominant male, one who’s fed his sex drive and allowed his fantasies to manifest as real; I think of them as modern day warriors. Their submissive’s particular craves or needs are simply battles to be fought and won. She becomes their field of war. They are strategists and tacticians, and their weapons are simply part of the game with the aim to win. This is something I find erotic.
As a writer I have to consider that erotica means I am responsible for mentally igniting a heightening of sensations, and I as the executioner of words, must fabricate just enough to allow the readers imagination to run rampant. I can’t give it all away, but what I spill on the page should ignite the reader to feel more. Even if it’s in anger, which in itself is a fabulous aphrodisiac, then it is up to me to infuriate them.
Erotica for me, is a lifestyle, (or rather, I wish it were mine, but sadly it isn’t). It’s a life set up for continuous foreplay with the focus on two passionate people satisfying the other’s darkest desires. It’s about feeding the starving libido, and directing a majority of our energies toward sexual pursuits. What it is NOT, is the mechanics of sex. It’s not just fucking and spending half an hour sweating together. Its hours upon hours of time spent with the other, then maybe sex. It’s about serving the needs of the partner, no matter how depraved those needs might appear to others.
When the correct two souls are paired, it’s a beautiful depravity to be cherished.
Erotica is about emotions. Raw, authentic, transparent emotions. It’s more about clear communication than any other activity I’ve ever been involved with. Yes, verbal communication, at least the intelligent kind, is one of the most erotic things I’ve ever been privileged to partake in. That involves knowing the other person in an intimate kind of way. Their needs, wants, wishes and dreams. What frightens them? What arouses them? What bores them? All of this is erotic and should be included in all foreplay.
Intimacy should be a synonymous word for erotica because intimacy includes simple things like a gentle kiss, or holding hands. The quickie in the car has its place in erotica, but in general, anyone can do that, (I think there is a HUGE difference between writing smut and erotica), not everyone is willing to spend the necessary time to truly be intimate with another.
Attention given and received. This sort of goes under the heading of time spent, but its more than that. I've dwelt my entire existence in the company of others and more often than naught, felt incredibly alone and isolated. This is more about focused attention. Strategic attention. Gifted attention directed at one single person. It means listening and being selfless—for both parties involved. This kind of attention is one of the most erotic things I've ever felt.
Food, eating, cooking, any pleasure surrounding this essential need we all have, all of that is erotic to me. Once again, it’s time spent either together, or time spent preparing and serving the other. Servitude in that capacity is highly erotic to me. Doing something menial, and making it an act of love is erotic. Doing something distasteful, because the other loves it, and then finding pleasure in the act because you pleased your partner, is highly erotic. It’s a form of selflessness I find incredibly stimulating.
The mechanics of sex are simple. There are only three penetrable holes on the human body. There are only so many ways to fuck or get fucked. Sex is easy. Almost all males I’ve met simply want to rut, there is no thought to it; it’s an exercise, a simple release—easy, and not at all erotic!
What I’m drawn to with the D/s dynamic, and what I write about the most is this dynamic, because this is where the creative men dwell, the real men, (or women), dominates’ and alphas’ and sadists. This is where their thought’s drift and how they daydream. These dominates have testosterone aplenty, and their focus is on the one who can satisfy their magnified sex drives. It’s this focus I find erotic.
In return, offering submission and the use of a body, is also erotic. Allowing, accepting and using pain as a means to heightened sensation, rather than a discomfort, is erotic. To do so requires immense willpower, trust, and yes, submission/surrender to the other’s need. I find all of this incredibly arousing. To kneel at his feet and gift him my power, is one of the most erotic acts I can give.
Time spent, and dedication to arousal is erotic. Depth of communication is erotic. Perfectly flawed natural beauty is erotic. Masculine/feminine energy is erotic. Creativity and imagination are erotic. Dominance and submission are erotic. Honesty and authenticity are erotic. Intimacy is erotic.
Yes, I write the mechanics of sex and I use all the words at my disposal. I have some favorite prose that bring great visuals to the imagination of my readers, but on the whole, erotica is way less about the act of sex and much more about the emotional connection between two souls, and that is what I attempt to portray in my writing.
What is Erotica to you? I’d love to know.