My Memoir is available Feb. 14th!

PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN; Not a Love Story.
A Memoir & Two Poetry Collections
is up on Kindle, and in Print!
Links below to the Amazon kindle store.
Release Date: February 14th, 2017

I will have print copies in stock along with custom bookmarks and magnets. Please see this page for my new PROMOTION on free swag with each book.

I will also sell at a discount if you want a signed print copy.

US Kindle
UK Kindle
AU Kindle, (Australia)
CA Kindle,(Canada)
It is available world wide.

PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN; Not a love story, contains a novella in memoir form, told from Payne’s point of view. It describes her short lived affair with a charismatic young man and how his narcissism destroyed their relationship.
It contains some of her life lessons, and her perspective on love and priorities in a relationship. She shares her immense knowledge about horses and the psychology of a prey animal compared to that of humans as a predator species.
She also supplies the reader with quotes and documentation on the Narcissistic mental disorder.
This is an interesting inside view of the novelist and a revealing confessional.
The second half of this book is dedicated to two poetry collections, which Payne feels are some of her best work to date.
WHITE LILY is her love and ardor spilled out at the beginning of the affair.
AFTERMATH is both, her confusion during, and her heartbreak after the affair ended.

The Storm Inside

At night, when a storm is raging outside, we lay and listen. We try to sleep, but the kinetic energy in inclement weather usually prohibits rest. We hear snaps and cracks and flapping tarps, wondering what’s getting destroyed, or merely sounding as if.

Sometimes the worst destruction is a surprise, something you never heard. It’s the silent, slow letting down of a big tree freeing its roots from wet soil. Or the fence that blew over and smashed the roses. Not till dawn can you take inventory. Even then, what can you do but shake your tiny fist at mother nature and curse a god you don’t really believe in. We have no say when she decides to strike, and so we don’t take it personally. We simply rebuild stronger the next time, or demolish what was there so it can never be hurt again.

Sometimes we become so hardened and immune, we sleep right through the worst of it. The world has a temper tantrum, and we are safe in our dreams, blocking the reality of what we will wake to when the sun once again shines.

We take for granted we will be there to see the next sunrise and we take for granted it will.

We logic our way through the devastation around us, smiling as if we are fine. What is our alternative? What choice do we have? We can shake our heads at the other’s perceptions, discarding it as hitting them harder, or we can be thankful it didn’t hit us as hard as it did them. Either way, we are competing over even that, the destruction and anarchy and who fared better, when all along, we are all just roses next to a weak fence.  ~Payne Hawthorne

New Release

I have a new release and a new blog post

Check out the blog post here: The Theme is Changing

My newest release is awesome! I’m extremely proud of this second installment in the Fire Clothed in Skin Saga: Redemption of Fire

Redemption of Fire

Thank you to Bellissima’s Wicked Graphics for a fabulous cover and editing help.  Check her out her page on Facebook.
Also a huge thanks to Julie Anne Addicott the incredible poetess who is helping me with an official House  of Payne Publishing Website. I’m helping her get her first novel finished. This title will be available on Kindle/Amazon before the summer of 2016 so keep an eye out for: Demon Soul, Angel Heart.

Our new Website:

House of Payne Publishing

Semifinalist in Poetry Contest

I entered the below poem at poetrynation.com and was just notified I’m a semifinalist.  It also secures this poem and a small author bio in their upcoming print anthology collection of amateur poets.

Pretty exiting for me since I’ve never entered any of my writings in contests. My new mission is to enter more of my stuff, more often and on different platforms with the end goal of getting my name better known as an author and poetess of emotional, soul searching, and love focused writings.

So here it is:

The Devastation of Love, (revised edition to fit their submission guidelines).
I'm forever hopeful to be stolen by it, swept up and falling into...
I will cease to be a singular soul, alone. 
I will join with another, and become someone entirely new. 
It’s messy and often ugly. 
It’s devastating.
Perhaps it’s simply my love of playing with fire?
It’s a shattering experience. 
Life altering, soul modifying. 
It’s anarchy. Destruction. 
Demolish what was there, rebuild stronger joined as two. 
It’s crushing, humbling and overwhelming. 
It’s embarrassing, pathetic, and shameless. 
I must surrender to the tidal pull of another. 
I must submit to the power of two combined. 
I am no longer me. I am now, us and we. 
I hand myself over to the other. 
It’s a before and after episode. 
It’s a demon who burgles my deepest secrets. 
It’s a cresting wave, pummeling me into the depths. 
It’s a deity demanding I bow and worship at it’s alter. 
Scrape and beg, plead and surrender. Succumb. 
It sweeps me up into a hurricane of destruction. 
It blows through me without a care for who I once was. 
No matter my preparations, 
or how long I've sought this elusive beast. 
No matter…
It will destroy me, and still I seek nothing else.

Original Prose which inspired this shortened version:

The Devastation of Love Original Prose/poetry by Payne Hawthorne
The Devastation of Love
Original Prose/poetry by Payne Hawthorne

Seeking Patronage

I recently attended a two day workshop from a well known published author. She also has numerous degrees in writing and literature along with multiple awards. After reading my work, she told me, "Stop giving away your writing. You're way too good of a storyteller to not be getting paid. You need to focus and do this fulltime!"
She suggested I start a Kickstarter, Go-fund-me, Patreon or Crowdfunding account. I told her I'd not had much of a warm welcome with my Go-fund-me campaign but I still had this Patreon page, even though I'm yet to receive one pledge. Her suggestion was that I no longer post my erotica short stories for free on my webpage, but rather only give them to my patrons.
So, I guess I'll try this for now and see how it goes. From here on out, I'll continue to write my short erotic pieces, but will only disseminate them to those who are pledging.
You have no idea how much it would help me if enough of you, drank one less $5.00 coffee a month, and instead pledged that amount to my writing endeavors.
For your pledge of $5.00 or more, I will guarantee at least one short erotic piece a month, (over 1000 words). For any larger pledges I'll write two or more pieces a month and will personally email these to all who've pledged.

I have over a thousand registered users on this site, although I don't know how to access you, or know if anyone is enjoying my work. Since I left Facebook, I no longer get comments, (good or bad), about my writing. It would help me to know others are enjoying, or at the very least, reading what I post. I often feel as if all this is nothing more than a futile endeavor. So please at least speak up or offer me some help as too how I can better reach my audience. (I am struggling with the technology and maintaining my own webpage as well...anyone willing to help me? I'd consider it a form of contribution. 

Email me? Payne Hawthorne at HouseofPaynepublishing@gmail.com 

Payne Hawthorne on Patreon

All roads lead to Payne