Peeing With the Door Open

This page will be dedicated to my ongoing struggles concerning, Not-Tom and myself.

There are links at the bottom of this page to all the new posts I’ve written concerning this topic.

I thought that writing my memoir, Peeing with the door open; Not a love story, would solve most of my angst, and if he ever read it, he’d surely hate me for eternity. I can picture his angry outburst of disgust, arm waving, voice raising. Violent anger would erupt, and his attack back on me would be of epic proportions, as he attempted deflection away from himself, and my uncomfortable truths spelled out in black and white.

So far, he’s not read it, but I suspect he will. He’ll have to know what I say about him. His ego won’t let that just sit there, knowing others are being given an inside glimpse of how I see life, and especially, him.

He’s been contacting me again, asking to see me. I am holding consistent. I have a list of things I’m willing to talk about, none of which are fake, nor am I willing to pretend there isn’t some impassable ravine between us now. So, no. No, I am not willing to see him unless he meets my requirements, all of which I offered to him if he’d ask. He didn’t ask.

Instead he once again attacked me with a barrage of un-truths about how he perceived me. He continually missed what I was really saying, still, months and months later, I can predict with certainty when he will launch yet another hurtful diatribe.

He never says the magic combination of words.

He never asks the right questions.

He is still inside me. I still mourn his loss, and so I am continuing to write about it, us, and him. I suppose with enough material, I will have a second book about me and Not-Tom.

But for now, I will put some of my self-talk and journals here, under this page heading.

See posts here:
 That Look (July 2017)
 Notes to a narcissist, 2 (May 22 2017)
 Notes to a narcissist (May 2017)
 One of Those Years (April 2017)
 INITIALS (January 2017)
 FROLIC BEACH
 Loving a Narcissist
 Incendiary
 It's Sad
 Narcissistic Traits 1-30

If you are curious about the back story of this doomed love affair, read my memoir:

All roads lead to Payne