It’s Sad

It kills you that you don’t have more control, power, or influence over me. It frustrates you that you can’t come up with a better way to hurt me. I get it now, you function through negative attention, and I, the opposite. You have nothing over my head, and nothing to emotionally use as collateral in this war. 

Now I’ve removed myself entirely. I was already on my way there, and I gave you yet one more chance. I take full responsibility for this last barrage of venom you spewed in my direction. I was hopeful you’d indeed seen the light, and that beyond all comprehension, you really wanted to find freedom from your demons. I can see now, you didn’t, and you don’t. 

I’m proud of myself. I forgave and loved you for an entire year. I hung in there when everyone around me told me I was an idiot and I deserved better. I stayed in the land of hope because I loved you that intensely. I am leaving now so I don’t lose the last remnants of that love. 

You’ve done a brilliant job of destroying the last of my love for you, but once again, you failed. I do still love you, but I can’t be with you, or talk to you. Your brand of toxic communication just doesn’t work for me. 

This time, even during the barrage of verbal abuse, my heart didn’t pound, my eyes didn’t fill, and I didn’t fall apart. I shrugged and resigned myself to the simple fact you cannot love me the way I need. I hope everyone else is wrong, and you actually are capable of love, but I see now, it isn’t me. 

It’s too bad because I really think we could have been an amazing couple. It’s sad you won’t see how destructive you are to those trying to love you. It’s sad you are so difficult to love. It’s sad you see yourself as wonderful and perfect and it’s all of us who are the defective ones. 

You were a good lesson for me. Thank you for 
teaching me so much about myself. 

Please see the home page for this topic, for other posts: PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN

All roads lead to Payne