Tag Archives: Poem

Raw In The Middle Poetry

A new poem from my RAW IN THE MIDDLE collection

I GAVE YOU THE LAST OF ME

The parts I gave you, I’d been holding in reserve all these years.
My entire lifetime of waiting realized, as I gifted you with my only remaining treasures.
What I thought were hidden riches, were a pittance really;
now that I look back.
I no longer have anything to offer another.
What I’d cherished for so long;
my hope and belief that love could make a difference.
That, investment of time showed how much I loved.
My steadfast confidence I’d been created for someone;
All of that is completely absent now.
I was even so naïve as to think love could conquer all the negative;
if only I fiercely applied.
I’d tried before, and before, and before,
You.
But I never truly loved; not the way I did,
You.
I gifted you all I’d held back from others;
Hoping this time would be different,
if I applied all I’d learned.
She was my little girl who wanted to worship and adore.
She was my passionate woman, waiting to surrender.
All these little pieces had been hiding behind this shattered exterior.
Most of my light had evaporated through all the fissures;
there wasn’t much left aside from a thin veneer I showed the world.
I gave you these secret parts, and of course, you greedily took them.
Now, I can’t find any of me.
Nothing is held in reserve.
Nothing in me is waiting.
I no longer believe in love.
All my try has evaporated.
Now even the veneer is a mess of faked smiles and sparse, meaningless words.
I’ve settled and become everything I used to hate.
I can’t really gather enough emotions to hate, or care, or…
Those before you taught me, silence was best,
Look pretty and shut up.
I feel the fool for thinking you were any different.
Now there is nothing left.
Now I’m a nobody.


 

RAW IN THE MIDDLE

I’m working on a new book of poetry, prose and introspective articles/memoir.

I don’t know a release date yet, but I have my cover art.
Here are some samples of the poetry:

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Semifinalist in Poetry Contest

I entered the below poem at poetrynation.com and was just notified I’m a semifinalist.  It also secures this poem and a small author bio in their upcoming print anthology collection of amateur poets.

Pretty exiting for me since I’ve never entered any of my writings in contests. My new mission is to enter more of my stuff, more often and on different platforms with the end goal of getting my name better known as an author and poetess of emotional, soul searching, and love focused writings.

So here it is:

The Devastation of Love, (revised edition to fit their submission guidelines).
I'm forever hopeful to be stolen by it, swept up and falling into...
I will cease to be a singular soul, alone. 
I will join with another, and become someone entirely new. 
It’s messy and often ugly. 
It’s devastating.
Perhaps it’s simply my love of playing with fire?
It’s a shattering experience. 
Life altering, soul modifying. 
It’s anarchy. Destruction. 
Demolish what was there, rebuild stronger joined as two. 
It’s crushing, humbling and overwhelming. 
It’s embarrassing, pathetic, and shameless. 
I must surrender to the tidal pull of another. 
I must submit to the power of two combined. 
I am no longer me. I am now, us and we. 
I hand myself over to the other. 
It’s a before and after episode. 
It’s a demon who burgles my deepest secrets. 
It’s a cresting wave, pummeling me into the depths. 
It’s a deity demanding I bow and worship at it’s alter. 
Scrape and beg, plead and surrender. Succumb. 
It sweeps me up into a hurricane of destruction. 
It blows through me without a care for who I once was. 
No matter my preparations, 
or how long I've sought this elusive beast. 
No matter…
It will destroy me, and still I seek nothing else.

Original Prose which inspired this shortened version:

The Devastation of Love Original Prose/poetry by Payne Hawthorne
The Devastation of Love
Original Prose/poetry by Payne Hawthorne

Christmas Morning (Poetry)

Christmas morning

The tall cliffs protect as the ocean beats and flings itself haphazardly against the rocks below. The pillows of fluffy white deceive and the tendrils of rainbows forecast the promise of a sunny day. The veil of sea mist paints the air with tiny frolicking faeries.

I stand tall and still, and soak in the majesty. The mist soaks my cheeks and bleeds into my hair. The roar of the sea quiets my soul.

Sometimes the silence inside awakens when you are most still.

The air is icy and bites. It feels good to be touched. My skin rejoices as my heart is filled. Don’t move, don’t allow distractions. Soak. Absorb. Marinate. Remain still.

All around you is anarchy; disobedient water obeys no master. Headlands jut as time erodes. One cannot contain forever. Crevices give way as water cleanses.

My heart beats and my lungs billow behind my ribs. I remain quiet. My pulse quickens as waves roll and surge. The ground beneath my feet vibrates as water insists, attempting to claim me, reaching ever skyward.

I close my eyes and listen. Amidst the chaos, there is intense peace, a belonging to something deeper and bigger. The lighthouse winks as I once again allow sight to overtake. The rainbow tendrils dance like ribbons of butterfly wings.

~Payne Hawthorne

Mark Scheffer Photography
Mark Scheffer Photography

Photography by: Mark Scheffer