A new poem from my RAW IN THE MIDDLE collection
I GAVE YOU THE LAST OF ME
The parts I gave you, I’d been holding in reserve all these years.
My entire lifetime of waiting realized, as I gifted you with my only remaining treasures.
What I thought were hidden riches, were a pittance really;
now that I look back.
I no longer have anything to offer another.
What I’d cherished for so long;
my hope and belief that love could make a difference.
That, investment of time showed how much I loved.
My steadfast confidence I’d been created for someone;
All of that is completely absent now.
I was even so naïve as to think love could conquer all the negative;
if only I fiercely applied.
I’d tried before, and before, and before,
But I never truly loved; not the way I did,
I gifted you all I’d held back from others;
Hoping this time would be different,
if I applied all I’d learned.
She was my little girl who wanted to worship and adore.
She was my passionate woman, waiting to surrender.
All these little pieces had been hiding behind this shattered exterior.
Most of my light had evaporated through all the fissures;
there wasn’t much left aside from a thin veneer I showed the world.
I gave you these secret parts, and of course, you greedily took them.
Now, I can’t find any of me.
Nothing is held in reserve.
Nothing in me is waiting.
I no longer believe in love.
All my try has evaporated.
Now even the veneer is a mess of faked smiles and sparse, meaningless words.
I’ve settled and become everything I used to hate.
I can’t really gather enough emotions to hate, or care, or…
Those before you taught me, silence was best,
Look pretty and shut up.
I feel the fool for thinking you were any different.
Now there is nothing left.
Now I’m a nobody.